For those of you who have been dealing with a difficult breakup this year it will have taken its toll. Emotional stress from the rollercoaster of negative emotions combined with the new practical challenges that come with being newly single can be overwhelming. A breakup will cause a ripple effect across the whole of your life and effect all areas including your friends, family, home life, career and future plans.
It may seem like you have clawed your way through 2016 and only just managed to cling on, however the good news is that 2017 is just around the corner. The new year is traditionally a time for making resolutions about your future, making a commitment to enforce changes and to wipe the slate clean. It gives you the chance for a fresh start and a new you.
With a breakup it can seem like you are at the mercy of your ex’s actions and emotions. If there is ongoing conflict it may seem like you will never be free from them and if you have children together you may feel like you can’t avoid getting caught up in their lives still. If you have been hurt by the breakup or suffered from a betrayal or controlling behaviour it may seem like you will permanently have to carry those scars with you.
If you are still struggling to move forward with your life and feel stuck in a rut then it’s time to decide if this is how you want to live your life. If you are spending time and energy thinking or worrying about your ex then they still have control over you whether you are with them or not. It’s time to grab back your power and stop giving it away and get back in the driving seat of your life.
The truth is that YOU control the remote control to your brain. This means that you can choose how you decide to react to the things your ex does and says. It may take some practice but it is possible and I know this as I have done it myself and have helped many of my clients take back their control too.
In order to start the new year off in the right way you have to commit to taking action, to doing things different and to embracing the challenge to create a fresh start. Here are my 10 top tips to thriving in the New Year after your breakup:
1. Spend time with good people: We are all influenced by the quality of the people we surround ourselves with as other attitudes and behaviours will rub off on us after a while. Make sure you create a positive and supportive team of friends, family and advisors around you.
2. Healthy body means a healthy mind: Keep a balanced diet and make sure you feed your body enough healthy fuel so that it can give you the energy you need. If you feel in good form your mind will be stronger to deal with challenges as they come up.
3. Be kind to yourself: Don’t beat yourself up for feeling low or crying. It is a natural part of the grieving process after your breakup. Remember that it is not a permanent state of mind and it part of the healing process as you let go.
4. It’s time to let go of your ex: Write a list of all the things that didn’t like about your ex and your relationship. Keep these to hand so you can read them if you start to feel sad. We tend to focus on all the good things we no longer have in our life which stops us from moving forward. It helps to take off those rose-tinted glasses and take a long hard look at what the things that mad you sad that you no longer have to tolerate.
5. Get active: Plan your weeks ahead to keep you busy. Start saying “yes” to invitations and get out of the house more. Staying home alone all the time will amplify feelings of loneliness so make arrangements and stick to them.
6. Do things you love: It’s time to put yourself first now and look after yourself. Schedule in your diary to do things that make you enjoy and also that make you laugh. We all need some fun in our lives to add some sparkle so make a list of things such as coffee with friends, trampolining, a day trip, a massage, buying a some new clothes.
7. Make small changes: It’s time to take back control of your life so to do that its key to make some changes. These can be small changes such as moving the furniture around in your home to make it feel different, cooking new meals, using a different supermarket or wearing a new colour that you love. If you continue to do the things you used to do with your ex it will be harder to move on.
8. Time to revamp your life: Start thinking about where you want to be in 1 years time. This will help you to keep moving forward with life and avoid getting stuck thinking about the past. Look to make some larger changes such as revamping your career or health by setting some goals. Let your close friends know about what you have decided to do so they can help you stick to your new goals.
9. Create your bucket list: Write a list of things that you are really excited to do in your life. Activities that you can do now that maybe you never could have done if you were still in your relationship. These could include learning a new skill, taking up a new hobby, travelling somewhere you always dreamed to visit or even climbing Everest!
10. Change your focus: Practice finding the good in every situation and focusing on that. What if you believed that this breakup was actually a great opportunity and you now have the chance to redesign your life just the way you want it? That would make a huge difference to your life and it is possible.
My 10 top tips will kick your new year off to a great start. All you need to do is decide that you want to make some changes to get your life back on track and commit to taking some actions to make it your new reality. It is possible. I have done it and my clients are doing it right now. Remember that it’s not what happens to you in life that counts, it’s what you do about it that defines you as a person.
So grab back control of your life and get ready for the new year and a new you!
Sara Davison is an expert break-up, separation and divorce coach, author, and speaker who has developed the UK’s first Divorce Coaching program providing individuals with the tools, techniques and support needed to help navigate and cope with the process of divorce.
For more information on Sara, or to book a one to one consultation, log on to
her website www.saradavison.com or follow her on Facebook (Sara Davison
Divorce Coaching), Twitter (@SDDivorcecoach) and Instagram
Sara’s latest book ‘Uncoupling’ is available now on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Uncoupling-survive-thrive-breakup-divorce/dp/0349411484 and her Break-up retreat run throughout the year, take a look at her website for details on upcoming dates.